Lightly edited for readability while preserving the speaker’s meaning and substantive statements.
Lord, I just thank you for this group of people that you've brought together for this purpose, Lord God. I thank you that we're going to continue to just draw closer to you, dive into your word, and Lord, that we're going to just let our hearts be softened, Lord, towards you and towards each other. Father God, I pray in Jesus' name that you would do a mighty work in marriages and singles and even the children that are here, Lord God, I just pray that your Holy Spirit would be with us, would help us to grow, and help us to draw closer to you and each other. In Jesus' name, amen. So I entitled my little talk Battle Ready. A lot of times in marriages we get so consumed with what's going on in between spouses that we forget who our battle is against. I mean, Pastor Troy and Pastor Dee really just went through all the scriptures and everything else. We could just go home on that, and those are all the things that we need to study and get right in our lives and in our marriages, but I will go ahead since I did a PowerPoint. I have here relationship goals. I love this picture because this is what we're supposed to be, hand in hand, battling everything that comes against the Word of God, our marriage, our families, our unity. This is what we're supposed to look like, and we wrestle not against flesh and blood. Unfortunately, a lot of times, like I said, we are wrestling against each other in flesh and blood. We're actually not realizing it, but we're shooting arrows at ourselves. Like Pastor Troy and Pastor Dee said, we're one flesh, so when we do this, when we launch arrows, when we launch insults, when we have these issues with each other, Matthew 19.5 through 6 says, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. Wherefore there are no more two, but one flesh. But therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder. So if you're one flesh, I had a really, I tamed down my picture, I did this one instead. My first instinct was to pull up someone stabbing their own flesh. It was pretty gruesome. I decided to lay off, I knew we would have snacks and drinks and stuff, so I decided to go with something that illustrated it a different way. But that's exactly what it is. You're jabbing, you're stabbing, and you don't realize that God has literally ordained what you are in, and you are destroying it.
You are destroying something that is God-ordained, and if we would look at that and take it seriously that it's God-ordained and that you are one person, you are a team, then we wouldn't do that as often. The word asunder, it says, what therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Asunder I thought was interesting. One of the words, one of the definitions was to place room between. And a lot of marriages, this happens because of each other, and they don't even realize it. You end up with a lot of room between you. You end up in different worlds, like you have people who in counseling they'll come to you and they'll say, oh, she's not the woman I married. He's not the man I married. And it's because they have allowed things to put room between them to where they don't even recognize each other anymore, and they don't have the same visions and goals and motivation. So if we're not to fight each other, who are we to fight? Anybody? This guy. This guy. We are supposed to be recognizing and fighting the enemy, and he is all up into marriages because he hates marriage. He absolutely hates it. The Apostle Paul was talking about forgiveness, and he said in 2 Corinthians 2, 11, lest Satan should get an advantage of us, for we are not ignorant of his devices. So we are not supposed to be ignorant of his devices, and especially when it comes to putting room in between us in our marriage. That word, devices, in 2 Corinthians 2, 11, it means an evil purpose. So the enemy has an evil purpose for your relationships, and of course this goes not just with marriages. This is in churches, this is all relationships, but especially with the marriage. So devices, if you look at where it's been used in other places, you find that it's always referring to their minds. But their minds were blinded, the God of this world had blinded the minds, casting down imaginations in every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought. It's about how the serpent beguiled Eve, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ, and then the peace of God which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ. So it's always referring, it's referring to your mind, it's referring to the enemy attacking your mind.
And boy, does this happen in marriage relationships. I mean sometimes it feels like there is just a dark cloud swirling around and just all of these, you know, I mean crazy stuff. I love my husband, my husband loves me. We have a great relationship, we're pretty, you know, understanding of spiritual warfare, and yet he gets us, you know. I'll be sitting there, you know, especially certain times and I'll be like, he just doesn't love me, you know. I mean that is the most idiotic thing that could, and sometimes I just start sulking and it just feels good to sulk sometimes, you know. And he's like, he doesn't love me enough, he doesn't do this, no, no, no, no, no. So that's how the enemy gets in. He just starts planting these seeds to put room between you. So I pulled up, well first I've got a quote from Sun Tzu, if you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. That's from the art of war, Sun Tzu. And so that's what you have to realize, you know, a lot of people say, don't focus on the enemy so much, don't, you know, don't talk about the devil, but you need to be educated about what he's doing in your life, because he's doing stuff in your life, whether if you can ignore it, but it doesn't make it go away. So I pulled up this, there's three illustrations that Dr. Rebecca Brown, who's passed away now, but she wrote several books. This is from, he came to set the captives free. And this is an illustration of how the enemy works in someone's mind. You can see in the first picture here, who are you listening to? These are two roommates, one just happened to be named Nancy, oh, Nancy, get it together. She's in a good mood, she's singing, she's happy, she's praising the Lord, right? And the enemy comes in and puts these thoughts in her mind. I'll bet Sally didn't do the dishes last night. Now how many of you wake up in the morning, you're getting ready, and just all of a sudden a thought comes in. I bet he didn't take out the trash. I use that one, because apparently that's a, that's just a thing in, in coupleship. It's like, he never takes, do you play the game where you, ours is in the corner next to a door? And so you see how much you can pile up on the wall, as it goes, you know, here's a milk carton, it stayed, you know, seems to be a thing, but you know, he starts coming in and you can be in the best of moods. And then all of a sudden, in the morning, you're like, I bet he, oh, listen to him, he's doing this, he's doing that, she's doing this, she's doing that. And so in this illustration, she just lets it roll, you know.
The demon continues to build her anger, throwing in more negative thoughts about her roommate, Sally. So by the time she sees Sally, Sally doesn't even know what's hitting her, because she's already ticked off, and Sally's like, okay, well, so what does that do for Sally? That gets her irritated and angry at Nancy. So this is how the enemy plays spouses against each other all the time, I mean all the time. So how do you handle it? What do you do? How do you respond to the negative thoughts? Well, in this illustration, you see that she's having the same scenario come up. I'll bet Sally didn't do the dishes last night. She actually recognizes, she says over here, wait a minute, I shouldn't be thinking these things, I'll think about the Lord instead, let's see. And she starts quoting, the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. But the enemy continues. The enemy continues to plant those seeds. And so it happens again. Because it didn't cause the enemy to stop those thoughts, you know. So she ends up, here we go again. She's irritated and ticked off, and that happens with Sally. And they both have a horrible day. And this is what happens once again in marriages. So how do you deal with the enemy? How do you deal with him and the onslaught of thoughts and the issues that he brings into your life? Here we have her, she's singing, she's happy, he brings that up. She recognizes it, that's the key. That really is the key. You have to recognize what the enemy is doing in your marriage, what his tricks are. He uses the same ones all over, but he will find some buttons that work with you, and he will keep pushing them until you recognize them and stop it. And so how do you stop it? You actually say, you know, Satan and you demons, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus, I will not accept those thoughts about Sally, go. This is what we have to do. And you have to do it out loud. You have to speak out loud to these demons. They're not in your head. Do you have some thought come in, which is a spirit of division? Call it what it does. Spirit of division, I bind you in the name of Jesus and I command you to go from me. Go from my house. Take authority over these things to protect your marriage. So what happens when you don't take those thoughts captive? What happens when you let the enemy just rule your mind and your marriage? We have a story about this in the Bible, and it's in 1 Chronicles 15, and I'm just going to give you bits and pieces of it.
It's when David, David is praising the Lord, he's bringing the ark back, he's rejoicing, he's dancing, he's going wild. And his wife looks down and it says, and it came to pass as the ark of the covenant of the Lord, came to the city of David, and I'll just say Michael, that's not the correct way to say it, but Michael, the daughter of Saul, looking out at a window, saw King David dancing and playing, and she despised him in her heart. That's what happens. That's what happens when you let these things get in you and plant seeds. You start to despise your spouse in your heart. You may not even realize it at first. The word despised, we have here, to disesteem, low esteem or regard, despise, disdain, contempt, treat or regard with contempt, think to scorn, vile person. So that's what that means. And of course, we are supposed to respect our husband, so if we start doing this, we're definitely at odds with the word of God and what our charge is. So what did she do? What happened? What's the end of this story? Second Samuel 6, 23-23, and then David returned to bless his household. He was coming to bless his household. Poor guy. He didn't know what's about to hit him, kind of like Sally in Nancy's situation. And Michael, the daughter of Saul, came out to meet David and said, how glorious was the king of Israel today who uncovered himself today in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants as one of the vain fellows shamelessly of him covers himself. She's a little smart, is what she's doing. She's letting her mouth just roll on at her husband. Guilty, you know, we laugh, but how many of us let our mouths just roll on at our husband when we really need to have that meek and quiet spirit about us. And David said unto Michael, it was before the Lord which chose me before thy father and before all his house to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel. Therefore, will I play before the Lord, and I will yet be more vile than thus. He sticks it to her when I back at her, and will be base in mine own sight, and of the main servants which thou hast spoken of, of them shall I be had in honor. Therefore, Michael, the daughter of Saul, had no child until the day of her death. Do you see what she just did here? I mean, she just tore down her own house, didn't she, with her mouth.
But what's in her heart, you have this cute little thing here, what's in her heart? What does God say? Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. That's what's going to come out. It's going to show itself, the hard-heartedness, the bitterness, all of those things. They're going to end up coming out. And so this is what she did, Proverbs 14.1 says, every wise woman buildeth her house. That means we can, like Pastor Dee said, we can edify, we can build up something wonderful. It's not all us, but we do have a powerful part to play. But the foolish pluck it down with her own hands. She tore it down instead of keeping her mouth shut, but she needed to address her own heart issues. David was in the will of God. She was not. And so she ended up being cursed, no children, that's, you know, that's a curse. So he saith unto them, Moses, because of the hardness of your heart suffered you to put away your wives, but from the beginning it was not so, Matthew 19.8. Hardness of heart, that's what she had. She despised her own husband and she allowed that hardness of heart to come in. That means destitution of spiritual perception is what that means. Read that one again. That's serious when you let that work its way into your life. If you look up the definition for destitute, it means lacking something needed or desirable, lacking possessions and resources, suffering extreme poverty, and then perception to attain awareness or understanding, to become aware through the senses. So what causes divorce is this hardness of heart, lacking or extreme poverty of spiritual understanding or awareness. You get to a point if you get, you know, and I pray nobody here is to this point, but if you're not careful whenever you're dealing with your spouse and living together, because I mean there's just issues that happen living together. We do, we are totally different creatures. You know, God did that on purpose. Remember that too. God doesn't want your husband to be like you and he doesn't want you to be like your husband. That is not the point, so stop trying to make it that way. But when we get to that point, that spiritual hardness, the hardness of heart, it causes
us not to see where we truly are. We think we see where our spouse is, but the problem is we're not actually seeing where we are spiritually and physically and mentally and emotionally. The hardness of heart was also mentioned when Jesus was resurrected when he came back in Mark 16 9 through 14. It says now when Jesus was risen early the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had cast seven devils. And she went away and told them that that had been with him as they mourned and wept. And they, when they had heard that he was alive and had been seen of her, they believed not. Now why would that be? Because he had been saying he was coming back. He had been saying all this was going to happen. After that he appeared in another form under two of them as they walked and went into the country and they went and told it unto the residue and neither believed they or them. Nobody believed. What is, why was that? Afterward, he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat and upbraided them, fussed at them for their unbelief and hardness of heart because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen. So it's the same hardness of heart that keeps us from seeing, believing, and understanding what Jesus was doing at that time. And it's that hardness of heart that will cause us to not see and understand what God is trying to do in your home, in your marriage. So I just put down a few, what are some of the reasons, you know, in real life what are some of the reasons that we end up with this hardness of heart? This is a big one. Number one, feeling like you contribute more than your spouse. This is a big one. But so what? Who cares if you contribute more than your spouse? I call it the spouse peeing contest is what it turns out to be. It really is. It is. You also see it with couples who have young children often, you know, sure turn to change the diapers. This, no, it's this. And they get this hardness toward one another because they feel like I changed the diaper four times today. They only did it two, you know, and it just ends up being this contest. When really we're supposed to be serving our children, nurturing our children, serving one another, we're supposed to be humble, we're supposed to prefer one another, that's, I've seen that quite a few times. Spending too much time on your phone. That's a big one. Put the phone down.
Not enough sex. Unresolved root issues and when I say that I mean like, you know, sometimes a woman has an issue because she interprets her husband through her father who wasn't kind or who had a harsh tone or, you know, or a man had an overbearing mother and so he's always going to be like, stop mothering me, you know, that kind of thing. So those are root issues that have to be dealt with to be able to be in the right relationship with your spouse. Treating your spouse like a child, involving other people in your marriage, which exactly, it's nobody's business. Do you know? I have never talked to anybody about any fight that he and I have. And boy, we can have them because we are both strong personalities. That's a kind way of saying it, but we do. We can have some knockdown dragouts just, you know, but you know what happens? We move on. You just move on. That's marriage. You move on. So don't involve anyone in your marriage. Not showing appreciation. This is something you have to learn to do, really, as a person, because we tend to think of ourselves and not others. Always pointing out what they do wrong, trying to control or change them. Once again, they don't need to be you and you don't need to be them. That's not why you fell in love with them. Keeping score and not truly forgiving. This is the huge thing in marriage. It really is. This isn't always the devil. We're not always fighting the devil. Sometimes it's not the devil. Sometimes it's me, me, me, me, me. It's that me spirit. You know, well, he did this to me. He did this to me and she did this to me. I want, I want, I want. If it's all about I want, check yourself before you wreck yourself, as my dear husband says. In marriage, if you are not ready to just basically crucify yourself, you're not ready for marriage. If you're not ready to lay your way down, and this is for, you know, any singles that are in here or send to be married. If you're not ready to lay your way down, you're not ready for marriage. Says, and he said to them all, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me, Luke 9.23, deny him or herself daily. That's what marriage is. It looks fluffy and wonderful on TV, but it's really lots of denying yourself, if it's done correctly, and learning to prefer the other person. And then it's also a lot of forgiving, and it's not an option.
But unfortunately, many marriages, forgiving is just not talking about it right now. It's talking about it in the next fight, but that's not forgiving. If you're talking about it in the next fight, then you didn't forgive. And some things take longer to get over, you know, than others, but it's all about forgiving. And we're told very plainly, and I don't know how some people twist this and say that this is not the way it is, but we're told very plainly that if you do not forgive, neither will your father, which is in heaven, forgive your trespass. That's just clear. And I mean, this goes for, you know, your parents who did you wrong, your sibling who did you wrong, your friend who did you wrong, and your spouse who does you wrong all the time in your eyes. You know, it is, it goes for that. You have to drop it. You can't keep carrying baggage all the time. You won't get far. I had an old pastor who used the illustration of a backpack full of boulders, rocks, big rocks, and he would forgive. So he would say, I'd forgive somebody and he'd drop it and put it down. And then he'd keep walking. He'd still have other baggage in there. But then he'd be like, oh, wait, you know what? They did that again. And he'd go back and pick it up and put it back in. That's not how it can't go that way. Not if you're truly forgiven. Like I said, we're supposed to prefer one another. Kindly affection to one another with brotherly love in honor of preferring one another, Romans 1210. This is what marriage really looks like. I mean, truly. It's that, oh, they took me all so bad, but I want well for them. You know? That's got to be your heart. You've got to love them and want well for them. He'll tell you. Anybody talks about him? Whoo, who's up on it? Don't mess with my husband. You know? I have to have that fire from Fire and Grace Church. Just rise up in me. It's like, oh, no, they didn't. Because I love him so much. I don't want to see him hurt. I don't want other people hurting him. You know, I want what's best for him. That's marriage. Even when he irritates me, I want what's best for him. And even when I irritate him, he loves me like Christ loves the church. You know? That's what it's about. So, and I'll tell you, here's a little tip. If you have a hard time, you know, we'll have a,
what did you call it? Intense fellowship. Well, we'll have the intense fellowship. And you know, if I'm, a lot of times we're both wrong. You know? A lot of times it ends up, we're both wrong. But I'll be in there and I'll just, I can't stand it. I can't stand when we're not on the same page. And sometimes he'll be sitting in the office and I'll go in there. And you know what I do? Sometimes I don't even say I'm sorry. My way is I just go and I'll sit down in his lap and I'll put my head on his shoulder and then everything will melt. And then we can talk. Sometimes you don't even have to speak. Just make the effort. Just make that step of humbling yourself and getting through it. Because what good are you if you're not talking to each other? That's not a very good marriage. So you know, it boils down to what our roles are, which, I mean, you know, all this y'all went over. And this is the scary verse for a lot of women, as Dean says, the scary verses. Wives submit. And that means obey and yield to your husband, right? And we don't like that. Because like you say, in America we don't obey anything. Everybody thinks rebellion is cool. But rebellion is the sin of witchcraft. So just saying. So that's what our duty is. So if you check yourself against the scripture as you're going through life, are you forgiving? Are you submitting? And it doesn't mean that I don't ever get my way. I mean, we counsel together. We talk together. We make decisions together. But I am submitted. And you know why I can be submitted? Because I trust God. You know, even if he's making a decision that I disagree with, I trust God. It's between him and God at that point. And I know that even if it is something that, well, maybe we shouldn't have done that, God's going to step in. He's got us. So I don't have to force my will on my husband and on our family, because I trust God. And that's what that boils down to for women, is being able to trust God completely. And then, of course, you have the husbands love your wives. Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. And I won't read all this. We had it in the other teaching. But that's what it boils down to for men. When you're having issues, men check yourself. Are you loving your life as Christ loved the church and gave himself for us?
Because that's a pretty tall order. You do have a pretty tall order there. That's huge. I admit it. Likewise, husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers not be hindered, that your prayers not be hindered. This is spiritual. This is spiritual. A lot of people think it's just a battle of the wits or whatever. No, this is spiritual. This affects everything. And that honor there means to value, esteem, especially of the highest degree thing prized or precious. Is that how you view your wife? I had a thing when we first got together. It was the look. One of my favorite things was this old five-hour crazy pride and prejudice thing. And in that, Mr. Darcy gave the look to the one he loved. And when we got together, and even now, I get the look. You know what? That makes me feel prized. It makes me feel precious. So if we're not doing these things, then we're not lining up with the word of God. And so we each need to correct our path. I tell when I counsel women, when I counsel wives, my advice is get yourself right with the Lord and let the Lord deal with your husband, because that's not your job. Same thing for men. If you're both getting yourself where you're supposed to be, if you're both drawing near to the Lord, you're going to be in the same area. That's your job, is to draw near to the Lord. And obey his word. If you're not, I just threw this one in here for a reminder. Women, if you're not being submissive, it says the sin of witchcraft, it's rebellion. And if either one of you are being stubborn, it says the iniquity and idolatry. That's what you're bringing into your marriage. It's not cool, and I don't care what they put on TV about girl power and all that stuff. Don't buy into it. Buy into the word. Keep this stuff out of your life and out of your marriage and out of your home, because guess what? If you allow this in the head and in the wife, it's going to be in the children, too. So clean from head up. Head down. Sorry, head down. Ha ha ha ha. Whatever. I'm horrible with directions.
I use my GPS all the time and still get lost. Right, Jordan? Jordan's been on trips with us, campaign trips. He's like, we're going to do a U-turn at some point in time. So I read this in a book a long time ago. And just the phrase, there was more to it. But this phrase, it always stuck with me. And it's how I try to live life. Life is a choosing. You just have to make those decisions. The more you do it, the easier it is to choose these things. The easier it is to choose to prefer your spouse over yourself, the easier it is to, well, to deny yourself always comes with a price. But if you want to end up being this battle-ready couple, that's really cool with their guns and stuff. If you're wanting to be part of the remnant, and that's what the Lord really impressed on me whenever I was reading and praying and looking up scripture is, we're getting them to the end times. And there's a remnant. There are people who are going to be doing exploits. There are churches and groups that are going to rise up and shine God's glory. And if you want to be part of that, you have to get it right in your home. That's the first place that means revival is your home. And I had earlier the Sun Tzu quote, I made one for the art of marriage instead of the art of war. If you know God, know your spouse, know yourself, and know the enemy, you may not fear the result of 100 battles. These are the things you have to do. And the reason that the enemy is coming so strong on families to destroy families, to destroy marriages. I mean, he hates all people in general. We're created in the image of God, but there's power in agreement. It says, if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father, which is in heaven. So that's talking about in general. They and I can get together and pray and agree, and there's power in that when we're in unity. How much more when a married couple gets on the same page? And then how much more when that married couple brings their children into that same page? You've got a power, just power going on there. And that's what the Lord intends. He intends each of you, each couple, to have his power and then bring it into the fellowship of the church.
And then, I mean, it would spread really, really fast if we actually lived it and did it. Get it right in our marriage and get it right in the church. We have a hard time getting it right in the church, too, for sure. But Psalm 133 says, behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity. It is like the precious ointment upon the head that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron's beard, that went down to the skirts of his garment as the dew of Herman and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion. For there, the Lord commanded the blessing, even life forevermore. That's where the blessing is. Unity. His anointing, his anointing flows when there's unity. His oil is poured out. His glory is poured out. And that is one of the reasons why it is such a battle to get on the same page with your spouse. You might can do it for a little bit, and then you seem to fall into a rut. Like, get back up. Keep fighting. Keep putting down the world. Put down the phones. Put down the distractions. Put down everything that's keeping you from God and your spouse. And draw closer to him, and draw closer to your spouse. And I have one bonus line, because I'm going to finish up now. I have this bonus line. Just a reminder, guys, who still findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth savor of the Lord. And now, that's my new nickname for him. Good thing. Or GTO, good thing, Odell. Oh, I like that. GTO, wow, that was awesome. Can we give him another hand, you guys? Wow.