Lightly edited for readability while preserving the speaker’s meaning and substantive statements.
I'm really at a disadvantage here because Pastor Troy, I love you. Pastor D, I love you. You shot up all my ammunition. And so, I've been reloading ever since they started. And God gave me something to say. So, I want to shoot the same bullets. I hope you all don't mind. Can I just say something? That's agreement and confirmation. Amen. Amen. Hallelujah. I was going to stop and pick up and it's not that they're stealing it. It's that God is confirming. And well, I haven't been with the other teach. But I look at it this way. When you're out hunting, sometimes the animal gets spooked just as you shoot and you have to shoot again. So you shot once, Pastor D shot now in your Nancy. So taking four shots to take this guy down. Uh Most of you probably know uh that my wife and I gave our testimony about five months ago. Anybody that wasn't here at Skyfall last time? Okay. So, all of you familiar with what you weren't, but you know uh Susan was sick for quite a long time and the Lord healed her on multiple occasions and uh last uh October we got to share her testimony which for her vantage point it was about her healing but from my vantage point it was about me learning to love her as Christ loved the church. And I have come to discover that I was doing a pretty poor job loving her. But uh I I feel this was not in my original plan. Uh but I feel compelled to share something with you that I hope doesn't sound too bizarre. Uh I've shared this with somebody while we were eating and they confirmed that this is what I need to do. But I want to I was going to share this at Susan's memorial service back in January. And uh I didn't because Pastor Nancy found scars and had no scars in heaven song. And that just I I talked about that. And but this is a letter I wrote to Susan um a month after she went to be with the Lord. And u I struggle with this, but I feel like I brought the notebook cuz I thought, well, maybe maybe I should. and someone kind of gave me a confirmation, but this was written January 10th, 2025. Uh, she passed away December 11th. Uh, I know I'm not going to get through this without a lot of water work and just bear with me. It's not that long, but and this was not a part of my initial presentation, but I I just feel maybe the maybe somebody needs to hear this. Sweetheart, my precious Susan Tomorrow will be one month since our Lord Jesus took you home to be with
him. I cannot begin to imagine what you are experiencing in heaven, to see Jesus face to face, to experience the boundless love he has for you, and to be finally free from the lies and attacks of the adversary. You are forever and completely free of pain. Do you remember the dream you had when you felt you had no pain at all? Now it's your eternal reality. Your eyesight is 2020. Your hearing is 100%. You can run and not be weary. You can walk and not faint. And for all I know, you may be flying around on eagle's rings right now. I wondered what beautiful sights you are seeing. I tried to think of who met you when you arrived in heaven. Timothy, Roy, maybe our parents. I hope your grandmother was there to meet you. I know how much she impacted you as a child. I have missed you more than I ever could have imagined. Do you remember me telling you how I would look at your seat in the car when you were in the hospital and how I missed you sitting next to me? Back then, I had the hope that one day you'd be back in the car with me. Now, I looked over at your new at your empty seat and I know you won't be back. So, yes, it hurts so much, but the happiness and joy I feel is so much greater than the sadness I feel because I know you're home. I know you have never been happier, more loved than you are right now. Jesus is helping me through this. I've learned to put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. I need to make a adjustment to that. I'm learning cuz I'm I've dropped the ball too many times on that in the last 5 months. I watched the video of our testimony at Skyfall almost every day. I am so thankful that I can watch that and see the smiles on our faces. Jesus truly transformed us and our marriage. I am thankful that he gave us the two years after he appeared to you. Thank you for the photo albums you left. I know you spent many hours working on them. I found the letter you wrote Maddie and Katie on their 13th birthday. You were a magnificent grandmother. I also found a verse in your Bible you wrote on a sticky note. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, workketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.
How amazing that that is your reality right now. Although I loved you dearly while you were here with me, I'm starting to realize what a strong, godly woman you were. I'm so thankful God blessed me with you. I can't wait to see you in heaven. I can't wait to get to heaven and have you show me around. You finally got your gray and white kitten that you dreamed about back in the hospital one day. There's so much I want to say to you, but I guess it will have to wait until I write another letter or when I see you again. I love you, sweetie. You know, I've sat here and I've heard all of these wonderful messages about marriage. Pastor D, Pastor Troy, you guys blew me out of the water. The things that you shared. Uh almost makes me want to start going to uh next level in the church. You guys are amazing. Um I've heard y'all speak before, but what you shared is anointed. Uh, Pastor Nancy, what she shared was grand. I'm sure Pastor Dean, if he gets a chance to talk, he may not. But, uh, I I have a confession to make. When was your last conference? Was that 2021? Yes. Uh, Susan and I talked about that and we we decided we don't need to go to a marriage conference. Oh, were we so wrong. uh everything we're talking about does not specifically apply to me today in the context of marriage. It applies about everything else in life because you can't you can't carve marriage out of the word of God and set it aside. I mean it's it's all in it's all intertwined. But just just what I've heard so far right now, uh I feel encouraged, but then again, I've realized how far short I've fallen in my 32 years with Susan. I wish she could have been here with me today or I wish we'd have gone that four years ago. My my assignment is as Christ loved the church and uh although I appreciated what all three of you that spoke before me have said, I'm not really very happy with you because you've stolen all of my I'm supposed to be the one talking about love. Okay? As Christ loved the church. You all, what's wrong with you? I mean, you can't read the rules, but like I said, I'm going to shoot the bullets that that God's given me. And like Pastor Nancy said, it's
just um what does it say? Uh two or three witnesses. Well, here we go. And um but I want to begin and and I guess they're not able to put the scripture up on the the board like uh they had said they would. So, I I've got a lot of scripture to read and uh I'm not going to get it all in, I'm sure. And uh I'm going to try to watch the clock, but um try to try to follow along with me as much as you can u in your Bibles. I don't I've got this the the references down, but I haven't written them out, so I'm going to have to look them up as I go along. So, uh that'll give you time to catch up. And uh but I want you to turn to Colossians chapter 2 verse 8 with me to begin. And and while you're turning just let me just say a quick prayer. Lord Jesus, you know how inadequate I feel to share this this morning or this afternoon because all I can share Lord is is out of my lack my failures. But I know that what's going to impact people today is not what I have, good, bad, or indifferent. It's what your word says. So I I ask that you would send forth your word. Make it powerful. Speak to our hearts. You've already spoken to my heart so much already. So I I just give this time that I have to share uh to you. Speak through me. Help me to be an open vessel that you can use. I pray in your name. Amen. Okay. Colossians chapter 2. You probably already found it. that happens. But the first word is a lovely word for a marriage conference. Beware. Uh it reminds me of what happened uh coming back from Myrtle Beach. I was traveling with Doug and Angie and Doug had run off and uh left Angie and I standing there waiting for him to come back and a couple of young gals come up with a video camera and they were wanting to uh they approached uh Angie first. you know, uh, we have a friend that's getting married. You know, this is for something and, uh, would you share your thoughts about marriage? And and Angie just didn't. She was like deer in the headlight, you know, just you what's going on? And so she asked questions, found out that one of them had converted to Catholicism to marry uh, I think it was the woman converted, didn't she? Yes. And uh and when I heard that, I just, you know, and and so I said to the lady, I said, "Well, while she's thinking, can I say something?" "Oh, yeah." So, she turns the camera on me and all that stuff, and I just said, "Don't do it." Because I was thinking, "You're starting off wrong, you know, and of course, they didn't understand that, you know, and I was just as surprised as as they were about what I said because it was very spontaneous." But so many of us start off very wrong
in our marriages. Only by the grace of God are we together. Only by the grace of God that Susan and I make it 32 years. Colossians 2 verse 8. Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit after the tradition of men after the rudiments of the world and not after Christ. I'm going to ask you that every verse that I read and I'm going to read this again, but every verse I read, I want you to process it in the context of marriage. So, so let me read this again. Beware lest any man spoil your marriage through philosophy, vain, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. If you listen to Pastor Dean very much, and I believe we all do, um, he's given us quite a mouthful about man's wisdom. And turn to Corinthians chapter 1 Corinthians chapter 1. Not going to read all of these verses, but I'm just going to share the highlights of them to just kind of lay the foundation here. Uh, what I'm sharing right now has already been spoken about. Verse 18, check 1 Corinthians 1:18. For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness, but unto us which are saved, it is the power of God. For it is written, I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent. Talking about the wise people of the world, where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this world? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? For after that in the wisdom of God, the world by wisdom knew not God. It pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe. Uh, I went one verse further than I should have, but drop to verse 25. This kind of caps it off. Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men and the weakness of God is stronger than men. I'm saying this to say this. Be careful where you get your information about how to do life as a married couple. There's all kinds of information out there in the world that will truly lead you astray. What you have gotten today through the ones that have preceded me and hopefully by what I say, it's all based in the word of God and nothing nothing else matters. And I just I I want to share with you six nuggets of man's wisdom. Okay. Um this just shows you how messed up our world is. But all of us have been exposed to it. All of us or some of us may have actually believed this. There's a few things here I believe. But I want to start off with Miss Tina Turner. Guess what her wisdom is for us. What's love got to do? What's love got to do with that? Come on. What's love but a secondhand emotion? You want me sing it to you?
I get them bouncers. I'll give that a shot. The second person is a a celebrity named Jackie Powell. She's my mother. And I remember her saying over and over and over again as I was a kid coming up, "He's the head, but I'm the neck." Sound familiar? Yes. Wherever the neck turns, they had goats. I heard that time and time again. I know mom meant it in a kid, facicious sore way, and I've inherited a lot of that from her. That's why some of you don't quite understand some of my humor. It's my mom's fault. But I heard that over and over and over. How wrong is that? How wrong is that? Kenny Rogers, you picked a fine time to leave me, Lucy. Four hungry children and a crop in the field. I loved that song. But this guy, he had it all wrong. His wife was a babysitter and a farm hand. That's all he lost when when Lucille left. And although I don't I don't subscribe to divorce, I don't blame her for leaving really. Here's a song from the 70s. I I'm not familiar with the writer, but uh Oh, I remember hearing this a lot. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. Y'all heard that before, huh? Man's wisdom. Oh, it's it's so it's so wrong. This is a sign that I saw in marriage counselor's office when I went there with my first my first wife trying to save our marriage. The sign said this in every marriage two weeks old or older there are grounds for divorce. I understand where he was going at where this thing's going from. I mean, you know, there's always something some conflict, there's always sandpaper, but when you allow the even the word, the thought of divorce to come into your mind, you're on a sinking ship. And uh let me just quickly turn with me to Mark 10 because I this is this is the word of Jesus. And um I think it was pastor Pastor Douched on this. And let me just say this while you're turning. When Susan was in the hospital during the 3mon stay and just for just before she went into ICU, uh uh Wanda had given me pastor these two books that she wrote and Susan I read those in the in Skyfall. You remember me talking about reading to Susan? These were two of the books that I read. Totally different context. Marriage on their part and Susan's health.
But God used that yesterday. I would read to her and we'd both just be covered in tears. The Holy Spirit was speaking to us in our context, in our situation, in in ways that maybe nothing else could have. But in in Mark 10:2, the Pharisees came to Jesus and asked him, "Is it lawful for a man to put away and divorce his wife?" They were tempting him. And Jesus answered and said unto them, "What did Moses command you?" And they said, "Moses commanded to write to build divorcement and to put her away." And Jesus answered and said unto them, for the hardness of your heart, he wrote this. For he said, "But from the beginning of creation, God made them male male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his mother and father or father and mother, and cleave to his wife. They twain shall be one flesh, and then they are no more twain, but one flesh. Therefore, what God hath put away, let not man put us under. That sign should not have been in that counselor's office. I understand where the thought was going, but uh for those of us that are believers in Christ, Pastor D said this, there there really are no grounds for divorce. Even though in this in Mark Jesus talks about except for infidelity, that does not have to spell the end. There's forgiveness, there's grace, there's mercy. Pastor D said it. God can do anything, can't he? All right. If we let him. Okay, I got one more. And and I love this one more man's wisdom. But what if my husband wants me to help him rob a bank? Anybody ever heard that before? I've heard it multiple times in my 76 years in the context of wives submitting to their husbands. I've heard it from Christian Christians. I heard it from pastor wife. Well, yeah. Submission. Yeah. But what if he wants me to help Robert Bank? Well, is your name Clyde and Bonnie? I mean, how has anybody ever heard of a Christian husband asking their wife to help him rob the bank? You be the getaway driver and I I'll hold the gun. I mean, but this this is the mentality. This is the wisdom of our world. And um praise God that you're here today to hear hear God's word. This next thing I want to share, um, I'm a little bit conflicted whether to share it, but I'm going to. Um, just
realize that there's no confirmation that it actually happened this way. Uh, the story came from uh, Jerome from back like AD 4400 or something like that. I found out just this morning that he wrote the Latin Vulgate Bible, which the Catholic Church uses. So, red flags started shooting up. And I thought, "Oh my goodness, do I even, you know, but I'm going to I'm going to share it because even though he might have been messed up in this area, he might have been sharing something that was legit." So, I'm going to share it with you. Um, don't put any stock in it. It's it's a good segue into what I want to talk about the next phase here. But the story is that when John was an a old man, hardly able to walk, whenever they would gather as Christians and have u their uh uh Lord's supper and stuff like that, a couple of men would help him walk to wherever it was and then they would always ask the apostle John, "Do you have a word for us?" And according to this legend, uh all he ever said was, "Little children love one another." So the next time they know same thing little children love one another. Finally a couple of the uh elders so they said look John you know we we keep asking you keep saying the same thing you know can you give us you know you know you went to heaven either in a vision or in the spirit. You saw all this stuff. You wrote it out. Is there anything else that you could share with us? And uh I got this on my phone because I want to I want to get it right. I want to read it. We got it. But this is this is what he said to this um uh oops that's love language schools. They they asked him teacher why do you always say this same thing and he replied because it is the Lord's commandment. It's true and if it alone is kept it is sufficient. And that kind of, you know, nothing about repentance, nothing about all the other major things. And I got thinking about it and I'm thinking, let me just ask you this. Have you looked around at the people that God wants you to love? Now, branch out of marriage, you know, look at your children. Maybe some of them are hard to love. Look at Look at Some of these people God wants us to love. It's tough stuff. I'm I'm convinced that we don't have what's in what we need in us to do this commandment to love one another. You're not going to do it without the power of God, the Holy Spirit in you. Amen. Um so that leads me into all that John had to say about love. And I'm I'm probably going to breeze through some of this stuff
because I'm almost halfway through. But in the books of 1 John and 2 John, John uses that phrase, love one another, seven times. Uh, and let me just breeze through some of this. Um, you know, if you want to write the scripture references down, you can. I may or may not give you time to turn to it. First John 3:1, "Behold what manner of love the father hath bestowed upon us that we should be called the sons of God." You think, ever think about that? The love that God has for us. Now, that's not a love. Pastor Dean talks about this love. This isn't a love that lets us get away with murder. We are still held accountable in areas of obedience, obedience, repentance, you know, we're not talking about that. But look at the love, you know, he loved us when we were sinners. You know, and I've heard some of y'all's testimonies. They're bad. I mean, I have skeletons in my closets, but y'all make me look pretty good. But in the sight of God, I need Jesus as much as any of you. I heard a pastor's wife teaching a class one time and she was talking about somebody was giving their testimony. Might have been a celebrity cuz that's the people that do all these stupid things. But she said, "Isn't that a wonderful testimony?" And she says, "I just wish I had a testimony." And man, I just in my mind I scrunched up my head, you know. I'm just thinking, are you saying that you didn't need Jesus? We all have a testimony. Some is more is extreme, some is more bizarre. But I want to tell you something. Every one of us at one point in our life was heading long heading for hell. True. You know, and so I can't compare myself to Pastor Dean and his story, Pastor Troy and Pastor D, Johnny and Julie. But I want to tell you, you haven't heard all of my story yet. And you may never, but you know, I've got I need a savior and I have a savior. So, behold what manner of love. Um, oh man, the words of Jesus, uh, John 13:34-35, a new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another as I have loved you, and I gave myself for you. I might be adding some words in here. I'm just off top of my head. Romans 5:5, the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. I'm going to say something uh toward the end of my talk that will bring this out more. But let me just say this right here. Uh everything you've heard today about and I'm going to share a little bit in a minute about like a husband's responsibilities. I am so surprised that nobody has the other three speakers has spent very little time talking about wives submit to your husbands. I mean that would be the first thing I would have picked. But I'll be honest with you guys I think we have a harder job
to love your wife as Christ loved the church. That's a tall order. Now wives wives you've got it tough too. you you're to you're to submit to your husbands as submitting to the Lord. But look at it this way. I think if I was a woman, I'd find it easier to submit to Jesus than submit to my husband. You know, excuse my little bit of Excuse what I'm fixing to say, okay? But your husbands are the ones that get in the bed with you, turn their back toward you, let some gas escape, and then fan the covers. Susan never saw the humor. And you're to submit to this guy. Did God ever do that? I mean, can you see the difference between your husband and God? There should be no problem submitting to Jesus. Your husband. I don't know why I said that, but it's all I'm taking the bank. But I think it made a good point. Romans 5:5 says, "The love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who has given unto us." Everything that Pastor D, Pastor Troy, Pastor Nancy, what Pastor Dean's going to say in a little bit, and what I'm saying now, every every command and the biggie is to love others as you love as you love yourself. This this is impossible for every one of us. You can't do it in your own flesh. And so hence uh Romans 5:5, the love of God, God gives us what we need to do all of these things. In a minute, I'm going to share just just a short list of husband's responsibilities. As I share them, guys, you're going to say, "I I can't do it." And good. That's the first step. But you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. You're still commanded to do it, but you're not going to do it in your strength. You're going to do it the Lord's strength. Yes. Galatians 5:13-14 talks about the fruit of the spirit. Love, joy, and peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness. Fruit is something. There's a difference between fruit and works. Works is something you put effort into. Fruit just it comes naturally because of the relationship of a vine to the branch and into the soil. The fruit of the spirit comes naturally. You don't you don't you can't sit down and for me to look at who am I going to me look at him and say he's from Michigan. Oh man Lord I'm going to love him no matter what it takes. It's not going to work. But if if the fruit of the spirit is in me and I'm attached to the branch and to the vine, that love will come forth. and and there's a lot of other scriptures uh on this
um and of course the main verse the one that um I was assigned to me Ephesians chapter 5 let me just quickly read that 5:25 husbands love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it I shared I shared this at Skyfall and man and I was sharing about what I thought at the time that I was reading this, I was so far out in the field. It was it was it's unbelievable cuz I was taking this verse which has three phrases in it and I was dividing it up. Okay, Lord, I love my wife. I don't think I love her like you and I don't have a clue what the last part. That's what I said at Skyfall. And I as I was studying and preparing for this, I looked at that and I said, "What an idiot. It's all the same thing. Husbands, love your wives as it's joined together as Christ loved the church. And then it tells us how Christ loved the church. He gave himself for her. And see what I was thinking when I first when I well not first when I was when I had this experience of you know I love my wife but not like you do. I'm thinking Lord I know what you did to to show your love for the church. She died on the cross. Is that what you you know, do I hang on a cross for her? Duh. Maybe. But what it means is you agape, which is the the word the Greek word for love here almost all through the Bible. There's a few other places, but it's a self-sacrificing love. You give yourself for that object of your love. And you know, like like the others have just said, you know, Pastor D, how did I miss John 3:16 in going through this? It's not on my list, man. That's that's the cardinal one. For God's so of the world that he gave and he gave his best. Well, husbands, that's our marching orders. Whoever you marry, your responsibility is to love her regardless of whether she deserves it, regardless of, you know, whether she does everything you think she should. You love her period, self-sacrifice. And that doesn't mean that that you always give into her requests or demands. Susan made the request one time that, you know, she didn't want to go to church one Sunday cuz she we couldn't she couldn't get a scheduled date with her daughter to go to a birthday party and she was frustrated with it. And she came in and I I said no, she didn't like it and she got so high ranked that I this first time I ever did it. I've never done it since. I don't recommend it, but it worked. I rebuked her in the name of Jesus.
Honestly, this before she got sick. It's a wonder I lived. I mean, she she was really I can't get I can't get Shandanda to give me a time. You know, I I said there's six other days in the week we can work it out. Long story short, during that that Sunday, she wanted us not to go to church. They worked out a date. But I I said to her, I I wanted to say in the mind I was, you know, this she was trying to manipulate me. That's witchcraft. And I wanted to buy the spirit of witchcraft. I knew better than that. But I said something else. I I maybe I said I I don't know really what I said, but I I did it. I said I and and she this is all while she's going on. And I said I find spirit or whatever it was. She stopped talking and it was silence for literally five minutes and we just stood there looking at each other just and finally she looked at me and she said, "You're evil." And walked around. I shared this I shared this with Pastor Nancy and she said, "Well, that was probably the demon saying that to you, too." And you know what? Susan's in heaven right now. And I hardly ever think about that experience because of the rest of the stuff that God did for us. I mean, that was short before she got sick. And and you know, the Lord appeared to her and the Lord changed her. and reading Pastor Pastor D's books, you know, just the bond that God let God gave us. So, let me finish. Uh, Ephesians 5:25, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. I mean, that I look back at that and thinking, Gary, you know, you know, you know grammar. You know what a comm is for. It's not a period. It's not a semicolon, but I divided that up. But then it says that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word that he might present it to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. For he that loveth his wife loveth himself. Why can't we guys figure that out? Then let me let me tell you let me just let me just let me just sidestep here a little bit. I cannot count the number of times in a day that I look at pictures of Susan that are all over the house and I tell her I love you and I miss you. During the last two years of her life, I I said that I loved her many
times. In the years before that, I was one of those husbands that says, "Why do I need to tell her that she knows I love her? I come home every day after work." I mean, all the stupid stuff that we can think, guys. Pastor D, she hit the nail on the head when she talked about we are in the last days. And everything that we could have said before about this, you amplified it. I'm 76 years old, said Susan was 75 when she died. We She had a good long life. I'm grateful for what God gave us, especially the last two years. I'm grateful that he kept us together for 32 years because there were lots of grounds for a divorce, which we don't talk about that. I wish I would have told her I loved her more often. I told Pastor, I think it was Pastor Dean or Pastor Nancy last night. I I've been very cautious not to say I lost Susan last December because I didn't lose her. She's still here. Not on earth. She's in heaven. I didn't lose her. But I'm going to tell you something. I lost a lot when the Lord took her to heaven. Pastor Nancy, in your little presentation, I was holding back tears. Yeah. Because I talked about, you know, the holding hands. I I I've watched Doug and Angie, you know, when we pray, I always see Doug reach over and touch her hand. I miss that. When Sue when I Susan when before she passed away, she would she had gained so much strength. She could walk around the house. She was pretty much self-sufficient walking outside. I always held her hand. And you come out of our our screen porch and there's a door and then right off right in front of us is two steps up. And so she could walk through the porch. I'd walk through the door and hold it forward and I'd wait for her to come through and then let the door shut. And then as I got to the bottom the step, I just go like this. She'd reach for my hand and I'd walk her to the car. You think I missed that? I miss someone that I could look in the eye and say I love you and to hear her say back I love you. I didn't share this when she was alive and at Skyfall, but this is a memory that I have that is so deeply rooted in me, but one time maybe within one to 3 months after she came home from the hospital and she was still still semi bedridden, but still she was getting able to get up, get in a
wheelchair, but you know, she had that bad um bed sore and and she still she had still had to wear diapers. She wasn't able to get up and go to the bathroom initially. I mean, she got to the point she could. And this particular time, you know, it was a super blowout. I mean, not just the diaper needed to be changed, but the dressing needed to be changed. The bed needed to be changed. I learned a lot in the hospital. I learned that you can change a bed with someone still in it. It's not easy. But when she told me, "Gary, I think I need to be changed or I I got the stuff together and I it was literally almost 45 minutes from start to finish because it was just, you know, all that stuff. Changed the dressing itself was sometimes 20 minutes." And uh and it was a particularly stinky one. Forgive me, sweetheart. I'm sorry. It's just life. But I'll never forget when I got done, she looked me in the eyes. And you know what she said to you? I love you. I had done something. Of course, I've been doing it all along, but this was a bad one. But I had done something most most of us men avoid doing. You have babies. Hey, sweetheart. Baby needs change. How many of you guys said that? I miss those times. I miss those times that I could show my love to her in that practical physical way. We always think of love as a an emotional thing. And somebody said, you know, love's not just an emotion. It's a choice, but it's also a practical thing. And one of the verses that I probably not going to get to actually talks about, you know, love not in in word only but in deed, you know, be practical. And you know, Susan at Skyfall, you know, remember her saying um she she says, well, that's when she was uh praising me and I tried to say, "No, no, you're praising the wrong person. It's Jesus that did this." But she she she made the comment, "Who is this guy?" She was dead right. That wasn't me. But this this this is what I really want to focus on. Everybody else stole my bullets and ammunition, so I'm going to let that go. But God taught me that he will give me what I need. Uh as long as, and somebody else said this, you put the first things first. Who was it? Seeky first. Maybe all of y'all said that seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. All these things will be added unto you.
You cannot go through what Susan and I went through. And what you all may be going through in the near future as the tribulation gets. Who knows what's going to happen a year from now, two years from now. Half of us in here might be grieving. And maybe I'll be the one to comfort you. I don't know. I hope I can. But what I learned is, you know, all I did was pray several years before all this happened with Susan, Lord, I don't understand this verse. Love your wife as Christ loved the church quickly. I I just simply said, "Help me know how to do it." He did. He did. And he put me He put Susan and I both in a very difficult situation. or we ended up there. But he used it. God gave me so much wisdom during that time. There were things. Let me just They used to have uh wedges and maybe maybe if y'all have been in the hospital much like someone that's in the vent a lot, they want to turn them every couple of hours and so they put a wedge to put their weight on one side then. No. And so here's Susan with a big bed sore. And of course the nurses are doing their due diligence, you know, changing her move her every two hours. And so two nurses come in there. One kind of pulls Susan over and and the other nurse places a wedge, places a wedge in place and then hits it. And Susan would shout out, cry out. And I'm sitting there watching this and I'm thinking, "Oh Lord, don't let me say what I'm thinking." I mean, seriously. The Lord The Lord gave me wisdom to realize that that wedge is not designed for someone with a bed sore. Someone to prevent a bed sore. With the bed sore, take your pocket knife and cut a little semicircle out in the center of it and then place that semicircle that hollow spot where the where the bed sore is. It worked. I'm not going to take any credit for it. I did it. I didn't think it up. I'm not that smart. A doctor came in one time, saw the wedge with a hole in it, and he said, "What's that for?" And I explained it to him, you know. "Oh, that'll never work." That is your opinion. He was wrong. The Lord gave me wisdom like that multiple times. When it was time for her to come home, I just knew that she had to come home. And the doctor even said, "The sooner we can get Susan home, the better." And I look back on that decision to come home and now and I almost get panicky. How in the world did I think that I could pull that
off? But I did, but not in my strength. The Lord first of all gave me faith that it could be done. But then he gave me strength. I talked to my daughter a couple of weeks ago. she her mother-in-law who just recently passed away. They were she was in hospice care and so the family there was uh two sons and the two step mother daughters-in-law they were taking turns taking care of um her her um mother-in-law and she was saying dad I am so worn out and uh I told her I said well I understand that but I I said I I said I guess that just confirms more that I never felt tired during all of that time. I slept on the couch most of the time next to her. I lost lots of sleep. The L and and I said this at Skyfall and I'm looking I'm I'm as I read as I watch the videos over and over, I'm thinking, why did I keep saying that over and over? The Lord did a work, you know, and I couldn't even I couldn't even put words to describe it. And I'm thinking, I hope they understood what I was talking about. And I think y'all did. But God gave me strength, power, faith, wisdom. Um, the problem with me now is I don't have her to tend to. I got so I got to the point that I liked taking care of her. The thing that, you know, most of us, you know, want to do your own thing, ride the motorcycle, play with your trains. Can't believe she said that. I never got on to her about that though. She We just had a laugh about it. Although I would not want Susan to come back from heaven. I miss her so much. I would go through all the hard times again. And those two years we had after the Lord appeared to her were the best years of my life. They were the hardest years of my life. And Susan's her her pain, her suffering was in a total different dimension than mine. And and we talked about this after she got home and she was getting better. We would sit across from each other at the breakfast table and I said, "Sweetheart, all that the Lord has done for us and taught us and all that we have experienced, if we had the power to undo those those years, would you do it?" She said, "No, I wouldn't." And I said, "Me, too." Think it got strange concerning the str I might be level this up. concerning the strange trial which is the trial you as some strange thing happened to you. I know I got too many stranges in
there. You get the gist of it. You know the verse. You're going to go through it. And there's no way to prepare yourself for it other than to write now everything that's been said so far. It's not about doing a checklist. That the the five love languages checklist. I'm not saying that's not good. That's not the worst day. But you've got to get Jesus in your heart. You've got to get so close to Jesus. Not just don't even think about the tribulation. Just think about marriage. You've got to get Jesus so much into you. This is what happened with Susan and I. She was in all of that physical misery. And I was miserable watching her go through it. And then after she came home and I had all this to do, we were forced, both of us, we were forced to fall upon Jesus. And I wish I could have learned this the easy way. I'm not sure there is easy way to be honest with you. But the Lord, he didn't work. What can I say? Quickly, let me just let me just say this. uh 10 minutes. Am I am I right? Okay. Uh some some foundational truths about marriage. It's a covenant. Malachi 2:13 and 14. Uh I never saw this before. I knew that marriage was not just an act of man. I knew that it was the institution of God, but it's not an institution about it's a covenant. And if you want a a really good study, uh I've got a book here that I've read several times before, but it's called The Power of the Blood Covenant, which is the New Covenant. And I I can't take time. I I'm rushing myself. But study up on the covenants. Abrahamic covenant, Noah, Noah covenant, Noah's covenant, uh the old covenant, uh David, Davidic covenant, the new covenant. There's certain similarities or certain a covenant is a covenant. David and Jonathan in the Bible made a covenant. And then and years later after Jonathan and me killed in battle, David says, "Is there anybody left of the house of Saul that I can show mercy and kindness to?" And there was one left, Mphibicheth. That's a mouthful. And this guy was living in a town called Loi Bar. And I forget what the name means, but it's not a good name. It's like like you're living in the pits. But he said David sent the soldiers to go to load the bar and pick up Mphibicheth. And you know, Mphibicheth thought was coming. But he came into the palace and David said, "Your your your your father and I made a covenant and I want to honor that and I want you to come and stay in the palace with me." And he did. Uh I think
Mphibisheth messed me messed up a little bit when Abselum came along, but uh and I I might be wrong about that, so just forget I said that, but there there's there's parallels of the covenants. Uh when God made a covenant with Noah, what was there that he put in the sky? The rain of it. Uh when God made the covenant with Abraham, what was what was the sign? Circumcision. We have a covenant of marriage. What's the sign? The wedding ring. Um the word covenant in the Hebrew means to bind or to fetter. Think about that. In marriage, I'm fed to the old lady or I'm fed to the old man. Exactly. Exactly what it is. And put a smile on their face and put the Lord in your heart and it will be the most wonderful experience in your life. Husband's responsibilities. I got a lot of this from their friends. I'm just going to breeze through this. Uh I know you're not going to be able to write it all down. If it means something to you, you can watch it on video. But the husband's village is love your wife. agape a a self-sacrificing love even to the point of death. Pastor Dean last Sunday, this guy, if you I'm sure all of you watch him all the time, this guy, he's got some he's got some wing dingers. He He said, you know, talking about like Pastor Davis saying about the hard times coming, he says, when it gets bad, I'm put I'm going putting on my SWAT face. and he'd make remark, you know, and what he's saying is I'm willing to put my life on the line for dancing in faith. Uh that sounds kind of kind of rubbish, but I think it's very biblical. You lay down your life just like Jesus did. Uh so husbands love your wives. Self-sacrificing death if necessary. Husbands are the head of head of the wife. This is this is mentioned in the the woman's thing, you know, be submissive. But it says there the husband's the head of the wife. Now, let me just say this. Just because you as a husband are the head of the wife, it doesn't mean you have the opport the privilege of telling her what kind of toothpaste to use. You don't have to micromanage her. Go to Proverbs 31. I think it's the last half of the chapter. The virtuous woman, that woman's, she's amazing. She's making all the clothes. She's running the household. I think there's a verse or two that she goes out and buys a part of the land. I mean, this woman wasn't daddy, can I please? I mean, he her husband love trusted her and gave her authority. Pastor Dean and Pastor Nancy since Susan's passed away. I watch you guys. I am. I'm watch I watch holding hands. How much do you think Pastor Dean's
involved with Skyfall and and stuff like this? You know, the logistics of it. I think he said it himself. Zero not a little bit. He says, "Pastor, you know, he trusts. He knows what's happening. He gets an email. Huh. Pastor NY's handle this. He's not micromanaging her." And sometimes we men, we get this wrong when it comes to the house. you know, I'm calling the shots. Trust your wife. And even if she makes a wrong decision, can you talk to the Lord and say, "Lord, you know, I'm I'm really feeling like this is the way we should go, but she's listening to the Lord." That's free. Okay, that's not in mind. That's not under my category. Um, but the husband's the head of the wife. Um, here here's an interesting thing. Uh uh Darren Prince said the head receives input from the body. Four minutes. The head makes decisions. The head initiates action. The head gives ongoing direction. Let me illustrate it. You put your hand on a hot stove. The head gets instruction. Ouch. Right? So the head makes a decision. We need to get off of that. Then the head in this ch action uh muscles move the hand and then he gives on going direction. Don't touch a hot stove again. And you've heard the story about the cat, haven't you? If a cat jumps on a hot stove, he'll never suck on jump on a hot stove again. He'll never jump on a cold stove again either. So So this this is our our responsibility, man. We lead, we direct. But the the main thing about being the head of the wife or the home, you're the spiritual leader. You should be the one to initiate devotions, prayer. I didn't do that. Susan and I tried that several times during our marriage. It lasted until the next blow up. And it could have ended if I could have just walked up and said, "I'm sorry." I was wrong in that. The reason I didn't say I'm sorry because whenever I did that, Susan would want to rehash them and neither one of us had all the facts straight. So my my answer, we're not jumping on the cold stove. Just don't apologize. It doesn't work. Thank God he got us for two years to have it a little bit better. He's the the man's the provider. 1 Timothy 5'8. If any man provide not for his own, you know, he's worse than an infidel. Teach God's word. I love this in Ephesians 5:29. Nourish and cherish your wife. You know what cherish means to me? There were times that Susan, she'd be in the kitchen or something like that and I walk and she hated me to sneak up behind her, but I would walk up behind
her and just give her a bear hug and I didn't want to let her go. I I'm wondering if this is why that scars in heaven song hit me so hard. You know, hold on a little uh longer. Hang on a little tighter because I I did that and she always be yelling at me because you scared me. But cherish. Hold her tight. Hold on. Hold her tight. Right, wrong, or indifferent. Hold her tight. And that goes for the women, too. This is interesting. in Genesis 1:27:28, uh, be fruitful, multiply, repent, replenish the earth, blah, blah, blah. It it's basically telling to to exercise dominion, but it's not the man, it's the couple he gave them. Your wife is equal with you. It's it's like I I I cherish the day to use a word, but I'm thankful for the day that Susan and I started coming to Fire and Grace. But when I did that and when we made our our decision to made that our church, I willingly, knowingly, Pastor Dean and I were equals in the eyes of God. But when I started going to his church, I willingly placed myself under his leadership, under his headship, under his authority. And that might sounds like, well, who is he to tell me what to do? That's he's got the harder job because he's going to answer to God if he misleads me, right? He had and every new person that comes in the church, his workload gets heavier. Same thing with marriage. When you say I do, ladies, you know, it's just, oh, I got to listen to this, man. You know, well, I'm not going to say that in my vows. I'm not going to love, honor, and obey. I used to be a pastor and I did marriages and I had ladies tell me I'm not going to say that said it's your marriage and I didn't understand what I did that what I do now I just knew that wasn't right you're okay my time's up and I'm not done so next conference phase two here thank you guys for your patience [Applause]